Grief + Feng Shui

5 weeks ago, I said goodbye to my cat of 18 years. In my attempt to find a pocket on the www to find solace to my pain, I couldn’t quite find the words from another to describe this experience. And so here I am, filling that pocket in hopes that my words also provide comfort to as well.

Our homes contain energetic signatures. Signatures of memories once had and reminders of the direction we are heading. Loved one’s belongings who have passed and items that propel us forward. There we live, in the middle of the past and future. In the present.

Marley came into my life 18 years prior. She was a 16th birthday gift from my high school boyfriend. The first serious boyfriend. I remember that my mother was not too thrilled with him; therefore, hearing that they both went together to adopt Marley – was a special moment for myself.

The morning I met her, I was visiting my boyfriend at his parents’ home and I sat in his bedroom waiting for my surprise. Out came Marley. This teeny tiny calico fluff ball kitten. It was love at first sight.

Marley was so much fun in her younger years. At any moment during the day, I could look over with a slight glance – her back side would be up and her head would be tossing side to side. She was so playful.

Also, her purr was the most healing sounds I have ever witnessed. Click on the image below to hear it!

Marley’s Healing Purr

A couple years later, I was single and graduating from High School. There she was by my side. I began University the following Fall and moved out of my parents’ home into my very first apartment shortly after. Marley moved to our apartment – back to my parents – and into a new apartment. She was a constant source of joy, love and companionship.

In 2011, I finished University and living in my bachelorette pad. It was during this chapter that I met my husband Bryan. She was there. Marley continued to be apart of both our lives as we purchased our first home together, wed, and gave birth to our 3 children. When we would have friends over for game night, we would bring her post over to the table so she could be with us all – and she would be in prime placement for a good pat and scratch behind her ear.

She was kind, gentle and dubbed a “Feng Shui Kitty”. Marley was very quick to know the best possible spot to rest (“The Command Position”) and did not enjoy having doors closed in our home. There were 2 ways that she would signal to me when she requested a door be opened. 1) If sleeping in a bedroom and someone was to close the door, even if she was deep into sleep, she would wake up and paw at the door. And 2) If a door was closed for too long in the hallway, she would go to the door and begin to meow. As if asking for the door to reopen, and the flow to resume.

Marley came into my life on my 16th birthday and exited on my 34th. I was with her all the way until the end. As painful as it was to say goodbye, I know that her time here on earth was complete. Her mission + purpose fulfilled. And I am so incredibly grateful that I was able to be so close to her. She taught me so much during her 18 year visit and guided me through so many transitions in life.

This blog entry is one way that I am choosing to honor her spirit and to assist the grieving process.

Here are a few other ways to process grief with Feng Shui:

1) Honor Your Feelings

This is a big one because “we have to feel it to heal it”. Saying goodbye to a loved one is difficult, no matter the circumstances. And as much as others will say they know how you are feeling, they just will not. It is an individual experience. Honor your feelings by giving them space. Space to move through you and to be released.

Working with the Full Moon can aide your release.

2) Talk With Others

Throughout this process what I have discovered is that are so many who have also gone through a similar experience. Although no one can quite know exactly how you feel, talking about what you are feeling opens up yourself and others to share about their experience and offer a moment of connection. A moment to heal.

3) Space Clear Your Home

Leading up to the day of Marley’s passing, I went through our home and prepared various spaces for this shift. Marley was an indoor cat and our home was going to feel the impact of her passing. Preparing our home by cleaning the floors, doing the laundry, etc. was a way to allow time, proceeding her demise, to just be as a family.

Following her passing, sage was lit and I gave our home a good walk-about opening up the space energetically to flow through this transition.

4) Decide What To Do With Loved Ones Belongings

This is going to look quite differently for each experience. For ourselves, we donated leftover food and kitty litter to my parents’ cat. Keeping around toys, grooming supplies, food, litter, etc. is not something that would serve our family moving forward; therefore, they were “decluttered” from our home and were enjoyed by another.

When it is time to decide what to do with your loved ones belongings, it can be difficult, as they can be sentimental. These are the items that your loved one enjoyed personally. They have a strong energy around them and it is okay to take some time to decide on what to do with these items.

Be easy on yourself. And feel free to give yourself a timeline if you desire.

5) Grieving With Nature

Mother Nature provides beautiful reminders and ways to connect with ourselves and loved ones. Using Essential Oils such as doTERRA’s Balance on the soles on my feet has been one way to ground myself and move forward with strength. Taking walks outdoors in the woods is another way to help the energy flow surrounding grief.

6) Donate to a Local Charity in Their Honor

Marley was adopted from our local SPCA. Upon her passing, I had a strong urge to donate to the SPCA to help continue their mission at caring for the local pets and finding them good homes to live in. Not but a couple hours had passed when an email popped into my Inbox. My daughter’s school was collecting donations for the SPCA, which I consider quite the divine timing.
Consider donating to a local charity that has a special meaning to your loved one and yourself.

Thank you for honoring this space with me. I have experienced grief in the past, in a variety of different situations that I feel as flavors. Loosing a pet has proven to be unique to it’s own. And I continue to process this chapter, shift and transformation into a life without Marley apart of my day-to-day.

Grief can be experienced from a multitude of situations. It need not be a loved one who’s passed. It could be when choosing to end a relationship. Moving into a new place of employment or career. It could be saying goodbye to a previous version of yourself, as you transform and shift into a new chapter – in deed this seems to always be the case.

I would love to hear in the comments what has helped you process grief.

Much love,
Jess Neary

May, 2003 – June 14, 2021